Stupid like a fox!

It's funny what little nuggets find permanent residence in your mind. One of the classic games of my childhood was The Simpsons: Hit & Run. In that game, one of Homer's oft repeated phrases was 'Stupid like a fox'. He probably said it on some episode or other too, but these word of wisdom have stayed with me.

Indeed, 'like a fox' has become my go-to simile, no matter the adjective. I can often be heard muttering, 'hungry like a fox', 'accurate like a fox' or 'lovely like a fox'.

At no point did I decide to do this. I can't remember if I thought it was funny at the time. And I can't remember when it seeped back into my personal lexicon. But it's there and it ranks among my most used word or phrases, including 'fenian' and, again for an unknown reason, 'je suis allé á la plage', I don't even know if that's spelt correctly. I never really liked French and dropped it in favour of Irish. I am told it translates roughly as 'I went to the beach'.

For reasons unknown to man, these phrases stay at the forefront of my mind. Although perfect for an awkward silence, they pose little real use.

Why couldn't it be an extract from a Shakespearean soliloquy or inspirational words from a great leader that decided to implant themselves in my brain. Admittedly, one Shakespearean line did make the cut and it forms the basis of title of this blog, "Oftentimes to win us to our harm the instruments of darkness tell us truths," a sound piece of advice from Banquo, that I think we could all benefit from.

Emergency brontosaurus video

Tá easpa fuinnimh agam inniú (I have a lack of energy today). To avoid not posting at all, I give you Miss Anne Elk. I dare you not to find this funny.

 Go on.

Bringing Fenian back!

I have realised that this blog, at first, is going to be a blog about having a blog. But that's the nature of the beast. It would also appear that I got a bit carried away as most of my pageviews were by ME. I've sorted that now but it has somewhat burst my bubble.

Anyhoo, most posts are going to be a bit of a mish-mash, a collection of musings and tit-bits.

tit-bits anyone?

How is Abu Hamza going to get through airport security???? (that was my semi-topical obvious un-funny reference of the day) Mr. Rusbridger are you paying attention yet?

On another note, I have decided to reclaim the word 'fenian'. The fenians were a band of warriors in old Ireland that could be called upon in times of war. In the 19th and 20th centuries the fenians was a term for organisations committed to the creation of an Irish Republic, free from British Rule. However, the term is mostly used nowadays as an insult to Catholics, Irish Nationalists, and Irish Republicans.

I am as fenian as they come, tá gaeilge agam( I know 'fenian speak', pronounced 'shpake'), I play hurling( fenian-stickin') and I love potatoes (fenian food). Our fenian-ness is not something to be ashamed of. Irish culture is celebrated all over the world yet has become politicised on our own confused little island. We throw about the word fenian casually and sometimes ironically, but beneath the craic, there is a genuine sense of pride.

Nationalism in the truest sense of the word. This is not the sense of Irish identity that is proud to be anything but British. Neither is it the bland, non-identity that we are told to accept in the North. St. Patrick's day for example, in my local town, there were no shamrocks and very little green so as to be all-inclusive. A beige St. Patrick's Day appeals to no one.

-fenian stickin'-

This is why I am on a mission to bring fenian back. Its an Irish word for Irish people, north and south.

 

Top 9 reasons why people like lists!

As a new kid on the blog, I have noticed a popular trend among other blogs. Not being the one to stand out from the crowd, i have decided to do exactly the same thing as everyone else. So, here is my list of reasons why people like lists.

1. People are Stupid. Stupid like a fox. Controversial, I know. People, and yes this is a horrendous generalisation, like tough, complicated things to be condensed into a numbered format, or at to be least bullet-pointed. A paragraph of over ten lines constitutes 'serious reading' and has been known to kill.
2. People are systematic in their approach to absorbing particular information and processing it in their respective crania. Therefore, bullshitty sentences like the previous one will be forgotten completely but this sentence will survive the memory cull for slightly longer because it included the word 'bullshitty'. A list cuts out the bullshit, leaving nice bite-sized absorbable memory chunks.

3. Lists are easier to write.

4. It takes so much less time to read a list, for instance compare point 3 with my previous post (which I now urge you to read). The list format allows It to make a clear point in no time at all.

5. The writer can repeat themselves without anyone noticing, not to mention the general ease at which a list can be written.

6. Lists can include the title 'Top Ten' or similar, people like count downs in all their forms. Whether it be admiring Rachel Riley's R's or pretending to be an astronaut.

7. Non-relevant information can be included and still seem to be important. Did you know that the Irish word for list is 'liosta', pronounced 'lista'.

8. A non-article can be really really really really really effectively drawn out.

9. People like things in sets of tens.

allons'y agus léan ar aghaidh

This counts as my first step into the media(ish), where there is more to be seen than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done, it's the circle of life!! oh, apologies. More, the circle of lies! BOOM! I don't pull any punches (i'm not really sure what that actually means, is it the opposite  to 'throwing' a punch) Anyway, though I doubt anybody is reading this (if you are, hello), I'm Joe, a male person, from Ireland - County Fermanagh, Inishmore, Lough Erne, between the green bridge and the boring one, opposite a barn, behind a wall, above the ground, below the sky, and beside a chicken, to be exact - and I have decided to inflict my opinions on the world if you'll be kind enough to have me.

- a nice garden in Dublin for your enjoyment (don't actually go there, I don't Know who owns it, just look at the nice picture) - 

I want to write, in any medium and hopefully in many (ink, blood etc.), reading's not too bad either but I become jealous very quickly. Usually internally spewing out the words "why didn't I think of that?" or on the rarest of occasions "I did think of that!" When that happens, I am blessed with both pride and an emerald envy that wrenches my competitive nature. Somehow I am both completely competitive and utterly lazy. A combination destined for disaster.

I prefer to see my laziness as an appreciation for relaxation. This, coupled with an unrivalled aptitude for procrastination, is me. I am the best at putting things on the long finger (and my digits are appropriately stretched). But enough about me, what about you? Look at me engaging with my audience. Look at me and my early venture into self-parody. If this doesn't convince Alan Rusbridger to give me a job, nothing will.

This blog is basically going to be my mind spew but in a Times New Roman font, on the internet, and with my actual name and accurate directions to my house included. It can only end well. (slán)